The Top 8 Sex Types (and what you need to know about them)

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1. THE PORN STAR

There is only one rule- no kissing. The Porn Star is heavily influenced by the many, many online porn sites that they peruse. They may even ask you to watch a video during your romp. Role playing, toys, and outfits are all highly encouraged with this partner. Be prepared- things may get messy.

What you need to know: Of course, you’re not spending the night with The Porn Star, so don’t bother packing a night bag.

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The Newly Wed

man in necktie and dress shirt standing near woman

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HIS MARRIAGE ONLY LASTED THIRTEEN WEEKS. Ninety-one days of pure marital bliss that came to a crashing end when he found himself wailing like an infant on the icy tiles of his bathroom floor; crying out for his lost love, the way she once cried out for him.

Thirteen weeks in and his genteel, lovely wife suddenly had the decorum of a drunken homeless person. While on her knees, she yelled out through the open door for Derek to take off her earrings. It seemed an odd request, but he made for the bathroom anyway to tend to his petite wife who guzzled enough rum earlier to take down a linebacker during their outing with friends.

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