I tried everything I could think of to get my breathing under control. I used breathing techniques I learned from meditation apps (who claimed the techniques were the same ones SEALS operatives use when under fire.) I tried telling myself everything was OK. I imagined the doctor telling me everything was OK. I told myself, fuck it- worse thing that could happen is that you die, and you gotta die one day anyway. Somehow even that nihilistic reasoning did nothing to calm me. My husband couldn’t calm me. Doctor’s couldn’t calm me. Even the nurse telling me to think of cute puppies couldn’t calm me down.

And puppies are fucking adorable.