1. THE PORN STAR
There is only one rule- no kissing. The Porn Star is heavily influenced by the many, many online porn sites that they peruse. They may even ask you to watch a video during your romp. Role playing, toys, and outfits are all highly encouraged with this partner. Be prepared- things may get messy.
What you need to know: Of course, you’re not spending the night with The Porn Star, so don’t bother packing a night bag.
2. THE MOTIONLESS
I hope you like that position you’re in, because you’re going to be in it for the next 45 minutes. If you moan or cough or sniffle, The Motionless will ask you not to move. They are in the zone and mentally climbing the ladder to their orgasm. What about your orgasm? That’s inconsequential.
What you need to know: Don’t study up on your Kama Sutra, because you won’t need it.
3. THE SPEECHLESS
You can never really be sure if you are pleasing this partner, because they just won’t tell you. If you are banking that their body language will give you a sign, think again. Unlike The Moaner, whose screams of pleasure will wake your neighbors, The Speechless will just look you dead in the eyes with their sex poker face.
What you need to know: Sometimes, on rare occasions, there is dirty talk, but it’s usually poorly phrased and awkward.
4. THE ADVENTURER
This partner likes to have fun, especially in the bedroom. This light-hearted lover will have you laughing, half-naked, while they chase you playfully around the bedroom. When they finally catch you, they will tickle you and then toss you on the bed. The adventurer is carefree, but still cares about you enjoying the night as much as they do.
What you need to know: Stretch and have an energy drink, because you’re going to have an action-packed night.
5. THE ROMANTIC
There is no better way to truly get to know your partner than through lovemaking. The endorphins released while you and your lover are entwined suggests that this is your mating partner for life. The key to lovemaking is all in the pace. So, The Jack Rabbit is not welcome. Only slow, sweet sex with lots of eye contact will do.
What you need to know: Cuddling immediately following your lovemaking session is mandatory.
6. THE SEDUCER
Sex with The Seducer is passionate, raw, and sensual. Be prepared to be tempted, because, as their name suggests, The Seducer enjoys the art of seduction. Once in the bedroom, slow foreplay is a welcomed part of the game. The Seducer tends to be aroused visually, enjoying multiple positions and outfits.
What you need to know: Plan your budget accordingly, because you will be buying lingerie monthly.
7. THE JACK RABBIT
The Jack Rabbit loves quickies and loathes foreplay. Be ready, The Jack Rabbit goes from 0 to 60 as soon as you hit the bed. While this type of sex will feed your animalistic side, it’s tough for both partners to reach their orgasm when they are racing to the finish line.
What you need to know: No need to clear your calendar, you can meet up with this partner on your coffee break.
8. THE MOANER
How do your neighbors know your name? Because The Moaner has been yelling it out every night. This playful partner will squeal at your every touch and loves dirty talk. There will be no doubt in your mind whether or not you are pleasing this partner, because they will be sure to let you know- over and over and over again.